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I am The One Who Killed My Wife. Now I Want to Help Prevent Domestic Violence
Twenty-eight years is a good long time to review one’s life. And it has taken me that long to make sense of what I did. I have heard it said by some that we in prison are more than our worst mistake; that our lives cannot and should not be judged by a single misguided decision, a single bad act, especially if that act was immediately and forever regretted.
But the reality is that I judge myself for this act. My sense of self, my very identity, can never be separated from what I did that day 28 years ago.
When I look in the mirror, I see a man in his fifties, still physically fit but well into the second half of life, greying around the edges. A man capable of goodness, given to self-reflection. An avid reader, a consumer of knowledge, a conversationalist, an accomplished cook and someone who loves to laugh. I see a son, a brother, a friend. I also see a young man who, in a fit of drug-fueled rage, killed the woman he loved. Stabbed her, leaving her in a pool of blood. This is me. I did that. I did that to a woman who I claimed was the love of my life, the center of my world. I could not let her go; I preferred that she die a bloody death rather than go on living without me. I am, in other words, the poster-child of a domestic violence abuser. Count the signs. Abused as a child myself. Fought my father at age 12, was nearly killed by him. At age 13, began to abuse alcohol and drugs. Dropped out of school after ninth grade.
But my response to getting kicked out was as immature as ever: I took more drugs to cover the pain. And my brain conflated her rejection with all my past life’s humiliations. I blamed her for every bad thing that had ever happened to me. That day. Oh, but if I had the power to go back and live that day again and make different choices. But I cannot. In the nearly three decades since, I have tried all sorts of things to obliterate the memory, but it has become seared into my brain. I went to her house to beg her to take me back. Did I really think she would? I knew that I frightened her, that I was not safe to be with, that it was not her fault, that she was doing what she needed to do. But in my spiraling rage I blamed her, and, of course, in the most predictable way, my imagination could not bear the thought of her with someone else. There, in the doorway, we argued. She tried to get me out.
I slipped past her, grabbed a knife from the kitchen and went after her. I was told that I struck her with the knife, with violent force, 13 times. The hit to her throat is what killed her. They said I fled on foot, hid for a brief period, then turned myself in with the help of my sisters. At first, I could barely remember. The haziness of my description here, that mental fog, was and remains a kind of self-preservation, like when your body goes into shock. It has taken years for the memories to surface and for me to admit my perfect culpability.
I needed to blame everyone else first, though. It was my parents’ fault; it was the fault of alcohol and drugs. It was because society had dealt me a bad hand. Slowly, painfully, I began to discard all that, to untangle the bindings of my life and get to a gut-level honesty. First it was through reading. I immersed myself in books; in prison you have lots of time for them. Everything from “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” to Dr. Phil to C.S. Lewis.
Then someone told me about the Turning Points men’s program in Dumfries, Virginia, which connected me with Mrs. Bea Lee, who became an angel in my life. She hooked me up with a series of materials on domestic violence known as the “Duluth Model,” which was simply transformative.
I read an article in the Washington Post about a survivor of domestic violence, who with the help of another program called Homestretch escaped her abuser and rebuilt her life. I wrote to the executive director of that organization, which led to a years-long correspondence that helped me recognize that I still could bring value to the world, despite my evil deed.I am serving a life sentence. I do not know if I will ever get paroled. I dream of getting out, starting a new life, eating good food again and making a delicious meal out of truly fresh ingredients, something that I will never do in prison. I imagine walking in the woods, by a stream; putting my feet in the cold running water; walking barefoot in plush grass; eating fresh corn and sun-ripened tomatoes in summer. I have become enchanted by plants and flowers: living things, fragile and transient but exquisitely beautiful.I have become more aware of beauty, of love, of goodness.Yet I struggle with the concept of forgiveness. Can I forgive myself for what I did? I cannot imagine Tracy’s family forgiving me and would not ask that of them. But I owe them the chance to tell me just how badly I have ruined their lives; I am ready to do so, and want to.Still, I know that my saying, “I am deeply sorry,” will be insufficient. Perhaps the knowledge that I am doing all I can to help others escape our fate may reduce the pain just a little. Or maybe not.I struggle with guilt and shame. Guilt is the acknowledgment of having committed an act that is wrong or hurtful, while shame is a deep inner sense of personal unworthiness. Guilt is easier to deal with than shame; both are painful, but one is about the act and the other is about the person.I must accept guilt but reject shame.I am more than my worst act, yes. What I still need, though, is to somehow atone for what I have done. There is no perfect atonement, except for that which Christ paid on the cross. But I dream of somehow using my experience, my own story to reach other men who are in danger of doing what I have done—before their own rage turns fatal. If I could save one man from doing what I did and save his loved one from Tracy’s fate, then I will have found a calling for my final years.Some communities engage “peer advocates,” or men who have committed domestic violence but have reformed, to intercept other men before they commit worse acts. (Just as it is often recovering addicts who make the best drug counselors.) This is what I’d like to do.I may eventually get out, or I may die in here. I do not know where I will end up. I have limited choices. But among the choices I can make is this: to lend my voice to one of the most important conversations of our time, about empowering women. A voice from the side you rarely look to—the abuser, who has done the awful deed, but who has the credibility to speak with candor and wisdom to other men in danger of destroying many, many lives.I think of King David, who himself committed murder, and his pleas of repentance in Psalm 51, which have been a refuge for millions of sinners: “My sacrifice is a broken and contrite heart,” he said, “a contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”Daniel Adams, 58, is serving a life sentence at Deep Meadows Correctional Center in State Farm, Virginia
FREE PRIESTHOOD TRAINING.
ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THE POWER OF JESUS CHRIST CHURCH WORLDWIDE (+)?
Do you want to be a Prophet or Prophetess?
Do you want to be a Seer and Revelator?
WE WILL TEACH YOU :
How to set up an altar.
( a temple is made up of many altars for different purposes)
How to baptize the living and the dead.
How to discern between physical and spiritual problems.
How to solve physical and spiritual problems.
How to conduct temple work, priesthood ordinances and sacrifices.
How to confirm the living and the dead and bestowal of the Holy Ghost on them.
How to endow the living and the dead.
How to train missionaries.
How to name and bless children.
How to administer the sacrament.
How to consecrate oil.
How to administer to the sick.
How to seal the anointing.
How to give Fathers blessings and other blessings of comfort and counsel.
How to confer the priesthood and ordain to an office in the priesthood.
How to set apart members for their duties.
How to identify your enemies spiritually.
How to confuse and destroy your identified enemy spiritually.
How to produce and use unusual weapons against physical and spiritual enemies.
How to seal marriages.
How to seal children to their parents (Family) together.
How to conduct family history temple work.
How to conduct exorcism .
How to administer a church.
How to conjure angels to do your bidding.
How to know the past, present and future .
And many, many more with the help of God.
SACRED PRIESTHOOD ORDINANCE CERTIFICATE WILL BE ISSUED.
Participants for this training must hold a Temple Recommend. Information on how to obtain a temple recommend are shown below:
INFORMATION ON HOW TO GET A TEMPLE RECOMMEND.
Listed below are the basic requirements for obtaining a temple recommend to enter the Holy Temple or participate in priesthood ordinances and sacrifices.
You must be a member of the Power of Jesus Christ Church Worldwide (+) by baptism and confirmation. Males must hold the Melchizedek Priesthood.
You must obey the word of wisdom (no alcohol, nicotine, cigarette , kolanuts , tobacco or harmful drugs).
You must obey the law of chastity (no fornication, adultery, pornography, masturbation, homosexualism and the like).
You must be a full tithe payer.
You must give a generous fast offering .
You must be honest with your fellow men.
You must obey the commandments of God.
People with tattoos are not allowed into the Holy Temple of God. If you have a tattoo, you wear a constant reminder of a mistake you have made. You might consider having it removed. You must not have tattoo on your skin or extra holes pierced on your nose or ears.( Read Leviticus 19:28).
Immodest dressing is not allowed. Holiness unto the Lord. (Read Psalm 24, Exodus 28&39).We discourage the piercing of the body except for medical purposes. If girls or women desire to have their ears pierced , they are encouraged to wear only one pair of modest earrings . Those who choose to disregard this counsel show a lack of respect for themselves and for God (1 Corinthians 3: 16-17) and are therefore not allowed to enter the Holy Temple . No unclean thing enters the Holy Temple to defile it.
For further information and questions, please contact:
The Clerk,
The Power of Jesus Christ Church Worldwide (+).
Holy of Holies Altar and Temple Sanctuary of God.
Telephone: +2348122754936, +2348140624643, +2348173175179, +2348166582414.
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E-mail: [email protected].
barking on the path of entrepreneurship is a journey fraught with challenges and uncertainties. From navigating market dynamics to managing finances and fostering growth, the road to building a successful business can be daunting. However, for those knowledgeable and risk takers seeking to tip the scales of success in their favor, there are various spells that provide a unique and powerful tool for achieving prosperity in the competitive world of commerce.
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The journey to starting a successful business with spells from Doctor Mawanda Shafiq begins with a clear vision and a deep commitment to one’s entrepreneurial aspirations. Whether it be launching a new venture or revitalizing an existing enterprise, the practitioner work closely with individuals to understand their goals and objectives, crafting personalized spells tailored to their unique needs and circumstances.
Utilizing a combination of ritualistic ceremonies, Dr Mawanda invokes powerful forces of prosperity and abundance to support the growth and success of the business. These spells are imbued with the ancient wisdom of generations past, drawing upon the natural elements and spiritual energies to create a fertile ground for entrepreneurial success.
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Yet, amidst the stories of triumph and prosperity, skeptics may question the efficacy of spiritual intervention in matters of business. However, for those who have experienced the transformative impact spells firsthand, there is no doubt that their guidance has made all the difference in their entrepreneurial journey.
Aspiring entrepreneurs looking to start a successful business would do well to consider the assistance of Dr Mawanda Shafiq as a valuable resource in their quest for prosperity. With guidance and support, individuals can unlock the full potential of their business ventures, realizing their dreams of entrepreneurship and achieving lasting success in the competitive marketplace.
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Whatsapp Number: +260779652913
Email: [email protected]
Website:https://doctormawanda.com
Many others who have been assisted by Doctor Mawanda Shafiq say they have received powerful healing and are now more connected to their fellow lonely hearts.
Find a natural and holistic way to improve your family affairs, relationships,financial and health well-being with Dr. Mawanda , a qualified alternative medicine practitioner in Zambia,South Africa & Globally. Dr Mawanda Shafiq is an alternative medicine-man based in Zambia. Mawanda medicine is a holistic approach to healthcare that focuses on preventing and treating diseases by using natural therapies, such as herbs, remedies, diet, and lifestyle changes. Just like naturopathy and homeopathy, Mawanda falls under alternative medicine and is still practiced throughout the globe today. Its aimed at using the body’s natural ability to heal itself.
He also known to solve life problems: love issues, family problems, hardships in business,bad dreams, increases your luck, i.e.quick selling & buying of properties, winning lottery games and court cases, chieftaincy issues, visa problems,high spirits of pastors,control cheater lovers, office problems, election wins, promotion at work, family disputes and herbal detoxification.
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Take note that Dr Mawanda Shafiq exercises Doctor-patient confidentiality; Neither patient’s file records, identity nor secrets will be shared with a third party or made public unless otherwise Or patient’s own volition to give a testimony.
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News
Betrayal:”My Girlfriend Dumped Me On Her Return From Studies Abroad Which I Fully Funded.This Is What I Was Inclined To Do.”
In a tale that traverses the depths of despair to the heights of joy, Emma(real name with-held) from Livingstone found solace and love through the mystical intervention.His story serves as a testament to the transformative power of faith and the unwavering commitment to love’s enduring promise.
It was just over a year ago when Emma’s world came crashing down around him. Having sacrificed and invested in his girlfriend’s education abroad, he eagerly anticipated her return home from Sydney, Australia envisioning a future brimming with shared dreams and unyielding love. However, his hopes were shattered when she broke his heart upon her arrival, leaving him devastated and adrift in a sea of anguish.
Consumed by disappointment,grief and heartache, Emma couldn’t take it ,so he resorted to Spell casting.He sought the help of a traditional Sangoma known as Dr Mawanda Shafiq after he thorough search and after going through his website:https://doctormawanda.com from where he found his contacts for solace and guidance, seeking his reputable ancient wisdom and mystical prowess to mend his fractured heart. With tears in his eyes and a yearning for redemption, he pleaded with the quiet,elderly and spiritual man to intervene on his behalf, believing in their ability to restore the love that had once illuminated his life.
Touched by Emma’s genuine plight and fueled by sacred duty to heal, the Doctor Mawanda Shafiq embarked on a journey of spiritual intervention, drawing upon profound knowledge and mystical insights to address the wounds of his broken heart. Through ancient rituals and powerful incantations, he endeavored to realign the cosmic forces in his favor, paving the way for a miraculous reunion and reconciliation with his lost love.
The results were nothing short of miraculous. In a twist of fate that defied all odds, Emma’s former girlfriend, now moved by an inexplicable force of love and longing, reached out to him, expressing remorse for her past actions and a desire to rebuild what they once shared. Overwhelmed with emotion, Emma welcomed her back into his arms, ready to embark on a journey of healing and renewal together.
Today, Emma and his beloved stand as living testaments to the power of love and the transformative influence of powerful spiritual intervention. Their bond, once fractured by heartache, has been forged anew through the crucible of adversity, strengthened by the unwavering support of the mystical healers who guided them back to each other.
As they walk hand in hand into the sunset of their shared future, Emma and his wife remain forever grateful to Dr Mawanda Shafiq for the invaluable assistance in rekindling the flame of their love. Theirs is a story of resilience, redemption, and the enduring power of love to triumph over even the darkest of days.
How to contact Dr Mawanda Shafiq:
Contact Number: +260767053936
Whatsapp Number: +260779652913
Email: [email protected]
Website:https://doctormawanda.com
Many others who have been assisted by Doctor Mawanda Shafiq say they have received powerful healing and are now more connected to their fellow lonely hearts.
Find a natural and holistic way to improve your family affairs, relationships,financial and health well-being with Dr. Mawanda , a qualified alternative medicine practitioner in Zambia,South Africa & Globally. Dr Mawanda Shafiq is an alternative medicine-man based in Zambia. Mawanda medicine is a holistic approach to healthcare that focuses on preventing and treating diseases by using natural therapies, such as herbs, remedies, diet, and lifestyle changes. Just like naturopathy and homeopathy, Mawanda falls under alternative medicine and is still practiced throughout the globe today. Its aimed at using the body’s natural ability to heal itself.
He also known to solve life problems: love issues, family problems, hardships in business,bad dreams, increases your luck, i.e.quick selling & buying of properties, winning lottery games and court cases, chieftaincy issues, visa problems,high spirits of pastors,control cheater lovers, office problems, election wins, promotion at work, family disputes and herbal detoxification.
Do not be limited by location. You can get the help you need wherever you are through distance healing. Dr Mawanda’s greatest attribute is distance healing.
Take note that Dr Mawanda Shafiq exercises Doctor-patient confidentiality; Neither patient’s file records, identity nor secrets will be shared with a third party or made public unless otherwise Or patient’s own volition to give a testimony.
To book an appointment or for more information and Inquiry,sms, Whatsapp or call Dr. Mawanda on
+260767053936
+260779652913
