Connect with us

Viral Gist

UNIVERSITY OF ADULTERY
FINAL YEAR EXAMS
COURSE: MARRIAGEMATICS

Published

on

By

Time: 1 HOUR 30 MINS

INSTRUCTIONS

ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS

ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS

1. You are a married man and you have dated somebody’s wife for two years, busy spending on her like there is no tomorrow. Eventually she drops you and concentrates on her innocent husband. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. (20 marks)

2. You bought a phone for your friend’s wife and she gave it to her husband. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. (20 marks)

3. For Men You’re dating around 15 ladies and every lady is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone x

(a) Plot a graph of detoothers against prices of phones.
(15 marks)

(b) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty (5 marks)

(c) Plot the percentage shame against volume of apologies to your family members.  (5 Marks)

4. You are whatsapping and facebooking other people’s wives yet you don’t want to see your wife on the social network. Calculate the Percentage Error in your thinking capacity. (20 marks)

5. You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than 10, 000k Your daughter is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy worth 30, 000k each. Calculate the percentage of your Parental Negligence. (20 marks)

6. For ladies You’re a married woman and you have dated 20 guys with hard labour, use the law of diminishing returns to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. (20 marks)

7. You can’t give your wife 2000k for a pot of soup, but you spend over 5000k in bars and restaurant.  
Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take π=3.142 (20 marks)

8. You have been in the church and in your fellowship for years but your name is not in the book of LIFE because of the secret sin. Calculate the years you will spend in HELL? (30 marks)

Continue Reading

Viral Gist

Yoruba, Hausa, Igbo and Fulani Are Not The Names of Any Tribe – Reno Omokri

Published

on

By

You need to understand your own cultural identity; otherwise, you will keep seeing yourself as those who control the mainstream media see you, rather than how you really are. For example, Yoruba, Hausa, Fulani, Igbo, Ijaw and Edo are not tribes.

A tribe is a small group of primitive people, existing in a traditional society, subdivided into families and communities connected by a common language and ancestry.

Going by that definition, supported by the Oxford English Dictionary, most Nigerian ethnicities are not tribes. They are ethnic nationalities.

So, why do we use the term tribe to describe our ethnic identity? It is because the colonialists deliberately used the word tribe to make you look and feel inferior.

Just as they beat Kunta Kinte in the fictional TV series Roots, until he recanted and replaced his real African name with the slave name Toby, so did the colonialists browbeat you and I until we accepted that we were tribesmen and tribeswomen.

Take the Yorubas, for example. The Olukumi Omoluabi are found in large numbers in Nigeria, Brazil, Benin, Togo, Sierra Leone, and Cuba and are scattered throughout the Caribbean.

Hausa and Yoruba are Africa’s second and third most prominent indigenous languages.

Ndi’Igbo have significant indigenous populations in Cameroon and Equatorial Guinea.

Yet, members of these groups use the word tribe to describe themselves.

Each of these sub-nations has a population far in excess of the population of Belgium, which has 11.7 million people of primarily Flemish origin.

But since you were born, have you ever heard the Flemish people being described as a ‘tribe’? So, why refer to your ethnicity as a tribe?

Look, if a cat wants to grow and become a lion, it must stop chasing mice. If Nigeria is to become a great nation, we must remove the subliminal barriers and glass ceilings that the colonialists put in our minds.

Take a look at these Ife Bronzes. They are a thousand years old and show Olukumi Omoluabi people fully dressed, wearing jewellery and holding iron tools.

How could you be this advanced a thousand years ago and still believe you are a tribe?

Belgium did not exist a thousand years ago, and they are a nation, but you, who existed over a thousand years ago, are a tribe? Make that make sense to yourself.

It is time to make a mental shift. Do not use the word tribe to describe yourself or your ethnicity. You are an individual member of an ethnic nationality. Once you understand that, how you see yourself and allow others to treat you will change.

And while you are at it, give up your suave slave name and start bearing an original African name.

The right people will like you better if you just be yourself rather than who you are not. Bear your heavy African name. Take a poll. Whether Aliko Dangote, Kemi Badenoch, Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, Wake Adeyemo, Chimamanda Adichie, Tope Awotona, or Bayo Ogunlesi, the most successful Black Africans bear their African names, not European, Jewish or Arabic names.

And wear your cultural attire. It does not look funny. That is your inferiority complex, speaking. And refuse to bleach. Organic cream is an organic fraud. You can be Black and beautiful. Solomon wrote the only love letter in the Bible for a Black woman (Songs of Solomon). Your Blackness is your greatness. Please don’t get in the way of it. Instead, get in line with it!

Reno Omokri

Gospeller. Deep Thinker. #TableShaker. Ruffler of the Feathers of Obidents. #1 Bestselling author of Facts Versus Fiction: The True Story of the Jonathan Years. Hodophile. Hollywood Magazine Humanitarian of the Year, 2019. Business Insider Influencer of the Year 2022.

Continue Reading

Viral Gist

President Hakainde Hichilema’s Failure to Curb Lawlessness: Unprofessionalism Rises Among Military Recruits in Zambia

Published

on

By

In what can only be described as an alarming act of lawlessness and unprofessionalism, over 20 military recruits from Mufulira barracks went on a violent rampage, indiscriminately assaulting innocent civilians last night. This shameful act left several people injured, including Kankoyo Member of Parliament, Heartson Mabeta, who suffered a broken hand after being beaten by these recruits. Such lawlessness demands accountability at the highest levels, and it is time to hold President Hakainde Hichilema responsible for the continued decline of discipline within the country’s security forces.

The terrifying scene unfolded after a group of taxi drivers allegedly got into a brawl with two recruits in the Mufulira Central Business District (CBD). The injured recruits, rather than reporting the issue through proper channels, returned to the barracks and rallied their colleagues for retaliation. In a blatant disregard for the rule of law and order, the recruits stormed the town, attacking pedestrians and motorists in their path. The chaos resulted in damaged property, including Mr. Mabeta’s vehicle, and left a trail of fear and destruction in its wake.

This brazen display of violence highlights an underlying issue of unprofessionalism that has taken root within Zambia’s military under President Hichilema’s administration. The fact that recruits, who are supposed to uphold the values of discipline and protect civilians, would resort to such thuggery raises serious concerns about the effectiveness of the leadership at the top. Where is the president’s voice in all this? Where is the commitment to ensuring that the military, an institution that should represent national security and order, maintains its dignity and upholds professionalism?

 

Unfortunately, this incident is not isolated. Zambia has witnessed a growing trend of indiscipline among its security personnel, signaling a dangerous descent into lawlessness. What is even more disturbing is that these issues seem to stem from a lack of clear direction and leadership at the top.

President Hichilema, despite being in power, has failed to address the recurrent acts of brutality and misconduct by the military. His administration’s silence and lack of decisive action against such transgressions has emboldened these recruits, who now feel they can act with impunity. A strong military is vital for any nation’s defense, but when those responsible for defending the nation begin to terrorize their own people, the president must be held accountable.

 

Ministry of Information and Media Permanent Secretary Thabo Kawana attempted to downplay the situation, clarifying that the rampaging recruits were not a group of 500 as previously claimed but 22. Regardless of the numbers, the reality remains that the president’s administration has allowed this kind of behavior to proliferate. It is no longer about how many recruits were involved; it is about the lawlessness that has been allowed to fester unchecked.

Mr. Kawana’s statement that residents should avoid provoking recruits is a weak attempt at shifting the blame onto civilians. The real issue is the president’s failure to instill discipline and professionalism in his military forces. Instead of focusing on proper training and emphasizing respect for civilians, President Hichilema’s administration has allowed the military to become a tool of terror in the hands of undisciplined recruits. How can civilians be expected to trust their military when its recruits go on violent rampages without fear of consequence?

 

The actions of these recruits not only showcase their disregard for professionalism but also reflect poorly on the leadership overseeing them. The army, under the command of President Hichilema, is supposed to serve and protect the citizens of Zambia, not brutalize them. This incident calls for a complete overhaul of military training protocols and a reevaluation of the moral and ethical standards being imparted to the recruits. At the heart of it, this is a failure of leadership and governance.

President Hichilema must take full responsibility for the lawlessness exhibited by these military recruits. The Zambian people deserve a military that exemplifies discipline, professionalism, and respect for human rights. It is high time that President Hichilema takes meaningful action to address this growing crisis before Zambia’s reputation and its citizens’ safety are further compromised. The nation is watching, and it demands accountability.

Continue Reading

Viral Gist

Recruited Soldiers beat up Mufulira residents in ‘revenge’

Published

on

By

IN what could be termed as ‘revenge of the ninja’, a group of over 20 recruits went on rampage last night beating residents in Mufulira, in retaliation after two civilians beat their own.

The recruits beat up pedestrians and motorists, among the victims is Kankoyo Member of Parliament Heartson Mabeta, who was left with a broken right hand.

After being clobbered, Mr Mabeta last night took to social media to raise  alarm that he was a victim of  beatings by ‘soldiers’ who were on rampage assaulting people in town.

“Soldiers are all over in Mufulira town attacking citizens and have just broken my right hand, please stay away from town,” he wrote in his Facebook page.

Mr Mabeta said he had since been discharged from hospital after doctors assessed his injury.

But while confirming that some over 20 recruits were beating people, Ministry of Information and Media Permanent Secretary Thabo Kawana disputed claims that it was a group of 500 soldiers who beat up people.

“However, what is factual is that two recruits that where in CBD got into a brawl with taxi drivers who assaulted the recruits in the process.

The recruits  then went back to the barracks and enlisted their fellow recruits complaining that civilians had assaulted them. Then a group of about 22 recruits entered CBD through Chibolya compound and were beating up everybody and anybody along the way be it pedestrians or motorists,” he said.

Mr Kawana said during the fight, two motor vehicles were damaged among Mr Mabeta’s.

“However, quick action by the District Administration led by the District Commssioner and District Commanding Officer of the Zambia Army moved in and rounded up the recruits and took them back into the barracks with calm since returning to the District currently,” Mr Kawana said.

He cautioned members members of the public to desist from picking on recruits each time they see them come into town to get some supplies.

Mr Kawana said some residents have the tendency of provoking recruits as a way of testing if truly they have been trained as soldiers and in the process sometimes they even injure the said recruits.

“Therefore, let us all desist from provoking or assaulting any other person be it a recruit or not.Let us co-exist, live together in peace and harmony,” he said.

Continue Reading

Trending

Copyright © 2024 Whodeybret.com powered by WordPress.