Viral Gist
Sunday I decided to go and greet my parents since I was passing towards our family house. When I got to the door about to open and enter I heard Chibueze my nephew murmuring to my Dad saying; Daddy, she is here should I also hide our toothpaste so she will not lick that one too?
So, yesterday being Sunday I decided to go and greet my parents since I was passing towards our family house.
When I got to the door about to open and enter I heard Chibueze my nephew murmuring to my Dad saying;
Daddy, she is here should I also hide our toothpaste so she will not lick that one too?
I was like Aah aah ónye kwa(Who)? Who is licking my parent’s toothpaste again?
When I entered I noticed the look on Chibueze’s face.
I didn’t pay attention to Chibueze I only greeted my Aunty my Dad’s elder sister who came from Jos to see him.
That my Aunty is a tórtóise. a big one at that! oke mbe.
I hugged her and told her it wasn’t fair so if I hadn’t come to see my parents I wouldn’t have known she had come.
She said what I did not even understand facing the ground.
Inside me, I said Aunty the feeling is mutual.
You don’t lîke me and I don’t lîke you too maybe is because I took after her… I resemble her in everything.
Two captains they say can never be in one bolt.
I wanted to go inside and greet my Mom.
My Dad called me back and asked me if I had their spare key with me.
I said yes…
My Dad told me to hand the spare key to him.
I turned and asked my Aunty what was going on because I know her too well and I know she must have told my Dad something about me.
The way my Aunty attàckéd me I’ve already known she has mûrdéréd me before my Dad.
My Dad said her sister had told him what I posted on my WhatsApp status and that she screenshot and showed him too.
That I made a post on my WhatsApp I would come to our family house and empty the house.
I was shocked!!
I was shocked because I had the intention of coming to steal all the foodstuffs in the family house and I already came prepared but I never made such a post on my status.
In fact, for months I’ve not posted on my status.
I stood and only concluded my Aunty had become a wîtch that she read that from my mind not my status because I hardly post.
I quickly prayed let my Dad not search my handbag because she would see 2 sack bags I wanted to use and pack rice, beans, fish, and many other things.
Aah, I said inside my mind that if a snake doesn’t act like a snake children will use it and tie firewood.
I said I must defend myself because I didn’t post such.
I got angry and asked to see the screenshot so I would know where to start.
My Aunty showed me.
I looked at the name of the person who posted it and it was Olisa my Aunty’s son who is also my cousin. It was a joke he cracked just that my Dad and her sister don’t like jokes and they don’t know when jokes are cracked
The day I posted I dóñ’t want péàce I wànt próblém always on my WhatsApp.
My Dad accused me of joining bad gangs and suspended me from coming to our family house.
We just finished settling that one just in November last year with enough truth to God and plenty of abeg coming from my mouth.
My Aunty opened her mouth waah when she saw it was her son who posted it.
She confessed how she views WhatsApp statues.
She said we shouldn’t blame her that anytime she wants to view WhatsApp statues she will click on the person statues she has in mind and it will be playing that she doesn’t know when it enters another person’s own that everything she watches she will assume it is the same first person she opened his/her statues posted it.
She then apologized and my Dad apologized too.
I asked her since it was Olisa her son who posted it that means she would disown him.
She said she knew what she would do to him.
I then understood the statement Chibueze made when I was coming.
He asked if he should hide toothpaste before I lick it.
I shouted God!!! So Chibueze was referring to me.
Me Ember!!! Toothpaste licker!! God forbid!!
I didn’t know when I got angry and raised my voice at my Dad and Aunty asking them why they discussed such before 10 years ago.
I jacked Chibueze. used our bathroom slippers and changed his life at once for good.
After flogging him…
I know Chibueze well my parents don’t know him a bit.
I asked him questions on what is happening to the toothpaste my parents are buying in the house because of everything for Chibueze to secure only toothpaste omo it is not ordinary hóha! Otoro nkiti biko!!
said it na!
Chibueze was only securing what matters most to him!!
He doesn’t want to share close-up toothpaste with me because close is his food when he’s alone in the house.
My Mom shouted!! She said no wonder she buys close up every week not knowing it was Chibueze who licks it.
That was how I left without packing any foodstuffs (heartbreak).
But my coming to that family house again will be clean up… Mkpocha na nzacha since they stress me this much for just the small rice I wanted to pack.
Not as if I’m packing many. Is evening picking I wanted to pick. Something I will just count like 70 seeds from the bag.
Nobody should call me a thiévé, ooh I’m just doing what will eliminate ulcer kpàta-kpàta.
Amaka Ember
Viral Gist
I’m 6 months married our marriage is going good but our sex life is the most boring experience ever.
I have this pr0blem with my hubby.. The guy is just so boring in bed, he doesn’t m0an during s-x. No matter what, even when he’s enjoying it. Severally I’ve tried to talk to him about it. I’ve begged & pleaded with this man severally to at least, even try & make small sound to turn me on more.. because it’s really getting annoying.
Everytime, persin go just dey keep quiet like wood. Na only silent knacking. Me sef i kukuma stop to the m0an because I’m tired & i dey vex. Both of us go dey knack & just dey look ourselves, na just fukum fukum persin go dey hear…. My hubby is a good man, he loves me & treats me right but this is the only issue i have with him. This might sound little but to be honest it’s affecting our marriage. It’s just been 3 months of marriage but it’s getting boring already.
Plz i need help on how to handle this kind of man. Even when he’s cú’m”” m”” ng. I’ll steadily be looking at his face to see if he’ll even make a sound. but instead Human being go just dey silent like stick.. pls I’m getting tired of the whole marriage thing abeg, I’m not sure this is how I want to spend the rest of my l!fe… I honestly know I won’t be able to keep up like this. I’m afraid of what I’m nursing in my mind”
Viral Gist
I’m Age 43, currently and specifically in search of a virgin between 19 to 29 years to marry. Actually i haven’t been lucky with women – Derick Ajeie
Been married twice. I believe my ex- wives some how, tempered with their womb reason why they couldn’t take in for me. Thats why i honestly do not just want a wife, i actually need a real woman, someone that can make me a father. Reason why I’m being specific of marrying a virgin this time. Trying to avoid same old experience. Well, As for my profile, I’m a Primarily school teacher. Teaching for 15yrs now, I’m comfortable. i stay in my own house. I’m tall, dark & handsome ..
Pls, note; we must have a written agreement. Specifying, you’ll get pregnant before we can proceed with any wedding plans. However, if you insist that, we must get married first because you’re from a Christian home. ok, but, that will mean that; you must get pregnant for me & give me a son in a space of 1 year. In which, if you don’t, Then, your family will have to calculate & refund every dime, spend on you in the name of “Bride Price/Dowry”
Pls, You must be a virgin between the age of 18 to 29, As, I want a lady whose skin is still very fresh & attractive, I actually do not need old women of 30 & above. Dark or Light in complexion. I don’t mind as long as your well brought up”
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Viral Gist
I’ve made up my mind to expoe this old cargo today, Her full name is Kenza Emeline Jein. She’s a married businesswoman who deals in ladies’ fashion
She’s so un-gråté-ful. I’ve had an affair for about 4 years gone with this w0-man. She claimed her husband wasn’t satisfying her in bed, I was always at her service whenever she needed me. In turn, she rented an apartment for me, opened up a shoe business for me, also gave me pocket allowances per month.
Our relationship had been moving well until she got pregnant with the second child & gave birth to a baby girl about 6 months ago. Afterwards, she automatically changed & suddenly stopped seeing me & picking my calls, even went to the extent of blocking me. I only get to reach her when I use a different line. Immediately she realizes it’s me, she’ll cut the call after telling me she’s no longer interested in the relationship, then block the new line too.
I was shocked by this new development. I’ve lost the girl I loved so much & who loved me so much too, all because of this woman. Now she thinks she can just use & dump me like that after giving her two beautiful kids, like I’m some kind of rag. See, I’m not a kid, Mrs. Jein. If you think you can play me like a child, then you should think twice.
Even my business is going down, my house rent has expired, my landlord isn’t giving me any breathing space. I’ve asked this woman for just 2.5million as compensation so i can move on & fix my l!fe that she destroyed but she has given a deaf ear.
Mrs Jein, I’ve given you 2 beautiful girls & I cannot be here suffering while I’ve been wasting my time & energy servicing & giving an old cargo fresh blood with absolutely nothing of benefit nor gain. You very well know our affair cost me my sweet relationship. All bcoz of you i lost the woman that truly loves me. However, I do not need the kids either; you can keep them. I’m 24yrs old still young with fresh blood; I can always make other babies.
I only insist that you compensate me with 2.5 million for my time & energy wasted on you. If not. You leave me with no choice than get back at you by uploading your n””-ü,”ds on social media & also come for my babies & you’ll lose everything, which I’m very sure you wouldn’t want that. This is a promise Mrs Jein. You can’t use me & dump me like a rag; I’m not a kid madam! I’m giving just a week to see that money in my account so i can fix my life i do not want any trouble”
